Cold and windy weather over the past couple of weeks have deterred me from any spins with the hand cycle. Saturday, a cloudless sky and mild winds allowed the sun to warm things up which was all the invitation needed.
There were plenty of delightful distractions as I peddled through town. I chatted with a neighbor, enjoyed watching butterflies and bees flutter around, deeply inhaled wonderful country aromas from orchards and hay fields. Then, riding alongside one particular field, a field covered in rich, dark green, thick, tall, wild grass swaying with the wind, my mood suddenly shifted. Light hearted feelings from simple distractions were replaced by enraged feelings of being cheated and an over whelming sense of loss.
I’m not sure what surprises me most; how quickly and unexpected these feelings sparked by the simplest of things emerge or that after all these years this still occurs so powerfully within me.
Pulling off the asphalt, hot angry tears welled in my eyes as I mentally shouted to God, “How could you let this happen to me; why would you take so much from me?!”
All I wanted to do was get over the fence and run barefoot across that field. I wanted to feel the damp, muddy earth squish between my toes, the tall blades of grass tickle my ankles, and run with a conviction and confidence that I no longer have. I wanted to get winded, really winded and then flop onto the ground and lay in that deep green carpet of grass and get lost in the azure sky…
“Why couldn’t it be someone else? What’s the point in all this? Seems completely senseless to me? Do you even care how I feel?” In the midst of my tantrum, annoying me even more, my cell phone notifies me there’s a text message. Ignoring it, it notifies me again. Somehow, swiping across the screen to make the message go away, I inadvertently popped this message up from a sweet friend:
"Hey, my daughter was in the class you presented in on Friday and she came home COMPLETELY in awe of this amazing, beautiful strong women that spoke in her class. After hearing her talk for a bit I said, “Was her name Julia??” She said, “Yes!!!” And now I’m the coolest mom ever because I told her you’re a friend of mine. Lol…"
In my silliness, I’d forgotten this is my life, and because of my life, not in spite of it, there is a point, many points, there is purpose, which is great joy and blessings beyond measure, and that life remains absolutely beautiful.
Yes, the day before I’d been blessed to share my story with about 150 first and second graders. And now, right at this moment, a moment most needful for me, a moment God should have just allowed me to throw my silly human girl fit, I was blessed again by a friend who took the time to send me this cherished text message. My friend is a genuinely beautiful and kind woman but the timing, oh the timing so divinely inspired, reaffirms the beauty, kindness, and intuition of her gentle spirit.
Once more, my feelings quickly and unexpected shifted and it took me by surprise yet again. Putting my ear buds back in, ready now to crank a few more miles, this song came on…
There were plenty of delightful distractions as I peddled through town. I chatted with a neighbor, enjoyed watching butterflies and bees flutter around, deeply inhaled wonderful country aromas from orchards and hay fields. Then, riding alongside one particular field, a field covered in rich, dark green, thick, tall, wild grass swaying with the wind, my mood suddenly shifted. Light hearted feelings from simple distractions were replaced by enraged feelings of being cheated and an over whelming sense of loss.
I’m not sure what surprises me most; how quickly and unexpected these feelings sparked by the simplest of things emerge or that after all these years this still occurs so powerfully within me.
Pulling off the asphalt, hot angry tears welled in my eyes as I mentally shouted to God, “How could you let this happen to me; why would you take so much from me?!”
All I wanted to do was get over the fence and run barefoot across that field. I wanted to feel the damp, muddy earth squish between my toes, the tall blades of grass tickle my ankles, and run with a conviction and confidence that I no longer have. I wanted to get winded, really winded and then flop onto the ground and lay in that deep green carpet of grass and get lost in the azure sky…
“Why couldn’t it be someone else? What’s the point in all this? Seems completely senseless to me? Do you even care how I feel?” In the midst of my tantrum, annoying me even more, my cell phone notifies me there’s a text message. Ignoring it, it notifies me again. Somehow, swiping across the screen to make the message go away, I inadvertently popped this message up from a sweet friend:
"Hey, my daughter was in the class you presented in on Friday and she came home COMPLETELY in awe of this amazing, beautiful strong women that spoke in her class. After hearing her talk for a bit I said, “Was her name Julia??” She said, “Yes!!!” And now I’m the coolest mom ever because I told her you’re a friend of mine. Lol…"
In my silliness, I’d forgotten this is my life, and because of my life, not in spite of it, there is a point, many points, there is purpose, which is great joy and blessings beyond measure, and that life remains absolutely beautiful.
Yes, the day before I’d been blessed to share my story with about 150 first and second graders. And now, right at this moment, a moment most needful for me, a moment God should have just allowed me to throw my silly human girl fit, I was blessed again by a friend who took the time to send me this cherished text message. My friend is a genuinely beautiful and kind woman but the timing, oh the timing so divinely inspired, reaffirms the beauty, kindness, and intuition of her gentle spirit.
Once more, my feelings quickly and unexpected shifted and it took me by surprise yet again. Putting my ear buds back in, ready now to crank a few more miles, this song came on…
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